Getting Past Yourself

Jan 18

Definition of self-absorbed

: absorbed in one's own thoughts, activities, or interests.

I don’t think it’s too hard these days to get caught up in your own life, your own thoughts, your own being.

Our phones keep us “absorbed,” our jobs, our relationships, our stress, our anxiety, our opinions— all hijack our ability to be present and at one with each other and the universe. At the end of the day, for one consumed by thoughts and preoccupation, there is little left for anyone else, let alone you.

It is no wonder there is a mass resignation happening in this country. We’ve reached our limits as a populace that is overworked and undernourished physically, mentally and spiritually. If all we do is work all of the time it is nearly impossible to manage all that life is throwing at us and not resort to a little self-absorption… We are just trying to stay afloat - one step ahead of the next stressor.

The antidote?

Maybe you don’t have to quit your job, but you do need to get still.

I know this to be true, because in states of hurry, worry, stress, workaholism, perfectionism you are in your head. 90,000 thoughts a day. And most of these thoughts do not serve you.

The yogi’s call this your “monkey mind”. A mind that incessantly chatters messages that are either negative about your not-enoughness, or comparing you to others, or replaying old stories about yourself - none of which serve you. Neither do the “to do’s” or “I have-to’s”.

This is where yoga comes in.

Yoga teaches us that we do actually have a choice with what we think about. We are not taught this as young children, teenagers or even young adults. But you do— you actually have a choice of what to focus on AND to not even think at all, but to just BE!

Some would argue that I might live in a little bit of a fantasy world, and that if you’re the bread-winner, you need to stay in “DO” mode until you retire. I honor that way of thinking but I respectfully disagree.

I think that there’s a balance to be achieved, so that when you have down time you use it to refuel, and you can have mini-refuel breaks throughout your day.

(BTW the companies that folks are not resigning from are the ones that have figured out how to lower stress and increase productivity. They are creating environments for meditation, allowing telecommuting, flexible work weeks, etc.)

Take just a minute or two, or three out of your day to sit and breathe and not think. Nope. NO THINKING. Just breathe. Focus on your inhalation and your exhalation. Recruit an app like Calm to assist you. This practice takes practice.

Don’t expect to be good at this right away. It’s work. Especially if you’ve spent the past 10, 20, 30, 40 years thinking, perseverating, ruminating in your head.

In sport psychology training we would say “no more stinkin’ thinkin’.”

And as you begin to practice, this quiet alone time allows you to clear the slate. And as the slate clears, things like creativity, connectedness, calmness and courage start to reappear.

When we have slowed down enough, we start to realize what is really important in life. I think Covid shut-downs helped many come to the realization that workaholism is self-destructive and not really serving the universe.

As a veteran yoga teacher I have watched countless people sit with eyes wide open during meditation and fidget, then get distracted by their phones or watches during class, then roll up their mats and leave before savasana.

This makes me sooo sad. As I see it, what they need the most is what they are running from - stillness. I am sad because I totally get it.

I, too, was like that in the beginning of my yoga training. “Why are we wasting our time here laying on the floor?” My mind would race with overwhelming thoughts and lists of “to-do’s” when left without busy-ness and structure.

Will you continue this practice with me?

With time and LOTS of practice I began to look forward to savasana and meditation. Now, well, I crave it. I drive with the radio off. I leave my phone at home on dog walks. I stopped listening to the news a long time ago. I take naps. I sit in stillness and breathe several times a day. It has been my saving grace. For my family too.

In my previous, hurried busy-ness I was never “here.” I was off, somewhere else, self-absorbed in my “to do” lists. My invitation to you as 2021 winds down, is to practice getting still.

Ask yourself important questions to get you where you want to go like:

What do I value?

Who is important to me?

How am I nourishing my relationships?

What do I want to be remembered for?

As you get more busy, more anxious, more self-absorbed, take a step back, observe what’s happening and hit the “pause” button. Breathe. Deeply. Practice. Practice. Practice. Use your breath as your guide and just begin to “let go” with each exhalation.

Inhale in calmness and good energy and exhale the bad. In time, you will notice that the “self-absorption” diminishes as you take breaks to take care of you.