Support in the Struggle

I’ve been struggling, and actually examining my triggers this week.  I’ve had some crazy ups and downs.  The details I will not bore you with, but it’s been a bit of an emotional roller coaster.  Much of this ride has been spent trying to support others in their struggles.  


Here’s the problem— 


I love to feel needed and to utilize my training, education and experience BUT I’ve always had a hard time not taking on other people's sadness, worry, hurt, anger, etc. 


My friend used to say, “when I eat a lemon - you pucker your face.”  It’s true.  Whether I’m an HSP (highly sensitive person... look it up, it’s a thing) or an empath, I was born feeling the feelings of others.  


So this week was particularly tough as I got distressing news from all sides. 


So what’s a gal to do?  First, I kept telling myself that their troubles are not my troubles (in the past, I’ve made them mine).  Second, I allowed all the “triggery” emotional - amygdala - brain stuff to show up.  I cried, I paced, I sat and stared at the wall.  I did not try to stop the emotion.  I sat with it. 


At one point, it was getting to be too much so I picked up the phone and called my bestie.  She immediately knew something was up and just listened.  She then told me, “well, you would tell me to just sit with this and breathe until it passes.”  (So fun to hear your words coming back at you.) 


So that’s what I did.  I got super uncomfortable, yet we kept talking and the next thing you know… I felt better.  I stopped crying.  I took a few deep breaths. And then I got up and got on with my day.


I’m sharing this because—  without divulging the private lives of friends, family and clients—  I had been carrying the weight of their feelings, experiences and emotions within me (even though I know better).  It was A LOT to carry. 

By allowing myself to cry and move through all the emotions, instead of stuffing them with food, alcohol or TV, I was able to release them.  They just kept on going until they were gone.

See this is the funny thing that happens when we’re emotional... 

First, we trigger the flight or fight response in the most primitive part of our brains.  

Then we want out.  

We don’t want to feel pain, suffering, anger, etc.  So, as socialized humans we’ve learned to numb and avoid feelings.  How that looks is different for everybody.  It could be food, drug, sex, alcohol, videogames, internet shopping - and/or any combination of those and more.  We tune out.

The next thing you know, it’s 10-15 years later and you’re still doing the same thing, except now it’s really a problem.  At the extremes you’re overweight, an alcoholic, sex addict, drug addicted, shopping addicted, or whatever.  Your life has gotten WAAAY out of balance. 


Most of us are getting by, managing our numbing—  but we know it’s a problem, or something that is not really serving to bring out the best in us.

So, before we check out and distract ourselves from our feelings…

Let’s take a look at how we stop the freight train of emotion.

Why am I bringing up this difficult conversation of unwanted/unpleasant emotions?

Well, first and foremost, we are all human.  YUP, you are.  And you are a wonderful living being that is supposed to FEEL EMOTION.  We’ve gotten really good at bottling these things up due to competition, shame, guilt, societal norms (especially for men), etc.  

Now, let’s compare our emotions to a bottle of fermenting Kombucha (I know, how very crunchy Californian of me —  but I know this one firsthand!).  What happens when you let that bottle ferment for too long?  IT EXPLODES! (all over your pantry... which is why I no longer ferment my own Kombucha). 


Emotions are just like Kombucha, the more you suppress, the more likely they will, at some point in time, explode on you.  And then you have a HUGE mess.  

Here's My invitation to You:

Start to slowly press the release valve, as you let go and move through the emotions, thoughts and feelings that aren’t serving you.  This is not work for the weak!  Working through challenging emotions takes time, patience and a whole lot of compassion.

This is why I have formed the “Coach Yourself Up!” Group.  

I wanted to create a safe place where we could gather and learn how to deal with things like emotions, difficult family members, life transitions, negative thinking, stuckness, etc. 

In this group, you will feel supported by, and learn from others that are having similar experiences. 

By participating in this group, you will join me for weekly, one hour meetings on Monday night (start your week off right!) to discuss tips, techniques and strategies for dealing with the difficult stuff life can throw at us. 

I will be facilitating the group yet YOU are (and/or will become) the experts on your lives and how to best handle the most difficult situations.  

We will master coaching ourselves up in ANY situation.  As we master life— calm, cool, and level-headedness will become our super power!  

This group will be ongoing and kept to a small number (8-10) so that you can get the most out of this experience. NOTE - this is NOT therapy. This is health/life coaching - meets yoga - meets sport psychology.

We are looking at current behaviors, working through the struggles to get to that best version of you. I will be helping you put tools in your toolkit, as will the other group members.

We will share what has worked and what hasn’t worked. This is how we learn.

I can tell you from years of experience and lots of research that growth and learning happen best when we are in the support of others.

Let your mantra this week be “Find Support in the Struggle”